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- my 9 year old sister: I'm gonna marry a doctor.
- me: Why?
- my 9 year old sister: So I can watch netflix all day while he pays for it.
via scomet.
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“Your mom is gaaay!”
“Which one?”
“…”
[stunned silence]
Some kids are arguing on my street, one has lesbian moms. I fucking can’t breathe.
via The Longest Con.
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Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have time to sleep
via The Longest Con.
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GOD BLESS THIS PERSON’S SOUL. IT’S TRANSPARENT.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S CLIMBING DOWN MY BLOG. CRYCRYCRY.
via The Longest Con.
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My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
via The Longest Con.